I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
