i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
handjob tips. give me some.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
