Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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