Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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