i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
