Can i not drive my cunt home
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
