I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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