He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
