I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
