Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
