I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
