her vagine was all disorganized.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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