i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
