Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
