i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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