oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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