You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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