break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
