Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
