i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
did i just pee glitter
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
