She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
