come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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