apparently the secret to your success is patron
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
