i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
