Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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