I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
