On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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