youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
