If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
