meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I bet he comes in French.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
