You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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