we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
