its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
