I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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