I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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