dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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