You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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