Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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