hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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