Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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