I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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