i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
