If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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