I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
