I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Enjoy the penises
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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