So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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