My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
NoShamevember. You game?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
