sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
