If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
