Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I understand Curling. That high.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
