Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
