My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
