The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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