I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm passing your future prison.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
