I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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