Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can I color on your dick again?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
