I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
