Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
