Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
