she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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