True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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