Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The power of my boobs compel you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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