I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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