My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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