new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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