this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
