wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
