In the future we'll all be gay
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
