bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
