You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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