Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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