I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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