she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
