I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
