i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
