I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
