The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Panties = found
Randomize
