I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
