I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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