why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Fuck appropriateness.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
this hospital has no fireball
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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