im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
this will be a night to untag.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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