please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
