guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
