My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
