Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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