So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
