i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
