I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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