THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
