so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
